Radio Programming - The Heroin Theory

OK, I'm not a radio programmer. I'm not a DJ (or on-air talent as they are called today) and I've never worked in the radio business at all. But I do listen to the radio and I have attended several radio industry conferences and sat in on some of the programming discussions. At first, I was appalled that they could spend so much time, energy and money and still pump out such crappy programming. But then, I had to stop and ask myself: "What would I do differently?" That's when I came up with this theory.

Radio programmers spend a considerable amount of time analyzing ratings and polls. They ask regular listeners what they think of particular songs, if they want to hear them more, if they even recognize the song, or if they've heard it so much that they can't stand to ever listen to it again. Everyone knows what that last part means. We've all heard a song by Dave Matthews or the Indigo Girls so many times we just can't stand it anymore. Programmers measure this and call it the "Burn Ratio" They actually use that number and decide what percentage of listeners has to be burned out on a song before they start reducing the number of plays (or rotations) that song will get. That fact astounded me. How could they look at numbers showing that even 10% of their loyal listeners hated a song, just from it being played too much, and still wonder why people were switching to other stations.

I recalled my decades of radio listening and thought about why I had ever changed stations. I realized that I only changed stations when I got bored with the programming, or sometimes because there were too many commercials. I'm sure most radio programmers would love to have the too many commercials problem. It means they have great ratings.

The burn ratio is also why new radio stations, even with a similar format are popular at first. It's because they have a fresh playlist that people are not sick of, yet. The basis for this kind of programming comes from one misguided principle. The programmers are trying to give the listeners what they want. They look at the polls, ratings and requests and try to figure out what people want to hear. Sounds reasonable, on the surface. Right? So then ask a programmer why he is still playing a song that has a high burn rate and he will tell you something along the lines of "Because lots of people want to hear it." He has numbers indicating that lots of people aren't burned out on it and, in fact, are asking that it be played more. He's just trying to give them what they want.

This is where my theory comes in. If you are a parent and your kids keep asking you for candy, you might give them some. Not too much, though, because you don't want to spoil them, ruin their appetites for dinner, or make them sick. And we all know, from having been kids ourselves, that if you give them as much candy as they ask for, they will get sick and puke or just tire out on candy altogether and start asking for expensive video games instead.

A better analogy for radio programming is heroin. Every radio programmer wants listeners to become addicted to their station; listening all the time with little chance that they will change to another station. The programmer must be the wise heroin dealer. He/she must know that if you give the addicts as much as they ask for, they will quickly overdose and either die or land in rehab. That's not good for business. A wise dealer doesn't want to lose customers, he wants to keep them coming back regularly for another fix. The dealer builds and maintains his customers, providing each one with as much as they can afford, but not more than they can handle. He never wants them to lose their addiction, but he never wants them to overdose either.

The problem with radio programmers today is that they are not being wise about how much the listeners can handle. They are routinely overplaying songs, like they were candy on Halloween. The wise programmer must learn that this is too much. Listen to the old showbiz adage that still rings true: Always leave them wanting more. In other words: Don't give the listeners as much candy as they ask for, make them beg before you put something into regular rotation and make sure that it isn't gonna play more than once or twice a day. They'll be listening attentively waiting for you to play their new favorite hit. This also gives you tons of space on your playlist to play cool new music, exceptional local music, and oldies that people are not still sick of.

How do I know this works? Simple. That's the way it was when KBCO built a huge fanbase and gave rise to a whole new format, back when people used to love that station and they had unprecedented ratings. I remember sitting with friends waiting impatiently for KBCO to play a CSNY song. It wasn't gonna get played on any other local stations, they were busy overplaying other formats. We had no choice. We listened all the time and called frequently to ask them to play it more often. Did they listen to us? Nope. But we listened anyway and didn't change the station even once.

By David Barber
Commotion Music Promotion, Inc.

Naming Your Band

So, you have a new band, you've been jamming a little have some songs worked up, you're considering playing out or recording, but you're still struggling with what to name the band. We are continually amazed by the creative names that bands come up with. There never seems to be an end to them, however, sometimes a band comes up with something that just leaves us wondering,"What were those guys thinking?"

Here's a few things to consider when naming your band:

A great band name should be short and easy to remember. Common words that every child knows but aren't already associated with music are the best. Examples: Hole, Garbage, The Samples, More Than Medium, and Ocean.

We are a big proponent of naming the band after the leader. Examples: Nina Storey, Wendy Woo, The Jill Watkins Band. These band names have the added bonus that the lead singer can never be fired from the band (without them having to change the name, anyway) but any other band member could concievably be replaced.

Some common mistakes that bands make when naming themselves include:

• Not checking to make sure another band isn't already out there using it. A quick internet search should do the trick, there.
• Using unusual capitalization or punctuation, like: "nGOma" "The FaiL-YeRZ" "P-Nuckle" or "Yo, Flaco!" The reason that this is a problem is that most club owners aren't going to remember correctly and therefore, the signs will read "Ngoma" or "The Failures" or "Pinochle" instead of the correct spelling. These same club owners will have trouble with the advertising they run in the local papers/magazines and on their websites, where those kind of capitalization and punctuation issues can create havoc with a database.
• Names that are just too long: "Eddie Clendening & the Blue Ribbon Boys" is likely to be shortened down to "Eddie Clendening" or just "The Blue Ribbon Boys" when advertising space is at a premium.
• Names that are not easy to spell. If the band leader doesn't make sure to spell his name from the stage at every opportunity and with the booking manager, he's likely to see it posted as "Eddy Klendenning and the Blue Ribbon Boys." Fans trying to find the website will not likely remember if it was "Eddie" or "Eddy" and how many n's are there in "Clendening?" "The Blue Ribbon Boys," though, is a fine name. Our all time best example of a bad band name was the short lived "Scheherazade." Not only was it hard to spell, but nobody could pronounce it either.
• It's OK to make up a new word or use one that isn't well known, but make sure you are consistent with explaining the pronounciation or spelling. "Xiren" (pr. Seerin) and "Marcy Baruch" (pr. bah-ROOSH) struggle with this constantly. It really stinks when you hear a radio personality struggle with pronouncing your name on the air.
• Be wary of names that use uncommon words. "Potempkin Square" (named for a famous location in Moscow) quickly became known in the local scene as "Pumpkin Square" because it was much easier to remember, to spell and was way more amusing.

In the end, if a band is good enough, they can overcome a lousy band name. "The Fabulous Boogienauts" rose to the top of their local scene, but for the first six months nobody got "Boogienauts" spelled correctly.

If you're really stuck, try the old trick of naming the band after the street where you practice, live or like a lot: Examples: Ben Park Drive, Battery Park and Rose Hill Drive. Pet names work pretty good too. "Rosco" is a good example.

There are also ample online resources for naming your band. Just type "band names" into Google and you'll find a variety of sites from band name suggestions and automatic name generators to lists of cool names already taken and online registries to make sure nobody steals yours.

Related articles and podcasts can be found online at RockOnColorado.com

Because You're On Stage!

There's nothing more annoying than watching a band on stage performing that has zero stage presence. It's even worse when the music is really good. You could shut your eyes and enjoy the music, but that's not why you paid the cover charge. If you only wanted to listen, you could just stay home and listen to the CD. There's a reason the band is playing on a stage instead of behind a curtain.

People want to see a show. Not just a bunch of dirty looking hippies jamming their hearts out. Sure, it's fun to jam, but until you're famous, most people don't want to pay just to watch you noodling with your pals. If you want to do that, then do it at home or in the rehearsal space. Don't do it on stage, unless that is your genre. If you went to Prince's 2004 tour you saw a top professional putting on a terrific show. Even if you didn't care about his music, you were entertained. That's the job of any act on any stage: Entertain the audience.

So, how does a new band do this? Some people have a natural charisma. If your act has a front person like that, you're in luck. The rest of you will just have to learn, and sometimes, even if you're the guy with charisma, you'll just have to fake it.

First off, remember that you are there to entertain. It doesn't matter what genre you're playing, country, jazz, rock, hip hop, whatever. The goal is still to entertain, to put on a show. There aren't really any rules, as long as the audience walks away feeling like they had a good time. Here's a few tips that anyone can handle:

• Have fun on stage, or at least pretend to. The audience doesn't know and doesn't care if you are having a bad day. So your wife ran away with your best friend and they took your dog, car and all your money. Put on a smile and pretend that this is the most fun you've had in your entire life. If you can't do that, it may be better to cancel the gig. Believe me, the audience can tell when you are not enjoying yourself on stage. If you are pissed off and angry, they will sense it and unless, you're an in-your-face punk act, it won't go over well. The more you play, the easier this will get, so practice, a lot. The best acts in any region can and will play under all sorts of adverse conditions. The difference between you and them is that they know how to fake having a good time. It's usually well rehearsed between song comments/jokes/banter that gets the crowd participating. Their audience may never know that the lead vocalist is having the worst day of his/her life and neither should yours.
• Dress for success. Do you wear the same clothes on stage that you wear at rehearsal? Don't. Always wear something clean and presentable. At the very least have everyone in the act wear blue jeans and the same color T-shirts. There are a few national acts that don't seem to care about how they look, but they are a very small minority. Even the 70 year old jazz cats playing in the smallest dives in the worst neighborhoods dress up when they play. Something sparkly or eye-catching that you would never be caught dead wearing on the street is perfect for the stage. If you have absolutely no fashion sense, ask a girlfriend, sister or fan. Many women will be thrilled to dress you up. If money is an issue, go to a thrift store, there's always something funky/cool there. If you notice the trends in music fashion you'll see that many new fads start out with something a hot new act bought at a second hand store. Examples: Torn up jeans, The Ragamuffin reggae look that came from Jamaican street urchins, blue jeans were not considered acceptable to wear except at blue collar jobs until Elvis and his contemporaries, started wearing them. Loose fitting pants that are way too big started out as hand me downs from older siblings. Outdated basketball jerseys were a lot cheaper than the ones current teams wear, until hip-hop artists made them became popular. You can start the next music fashion trend.
• Move around. Unless you are stuck behind a drumset or keyboard, you need to move around on stage. This catches the audience's eye and helps keep their attention. If you are a lead vocalist who just stands ramrod straight, you had better blow everyone away, because otherwise they'll be staring at your bass player instead. If you must keep stationary, then move your head, your arms, your booty. The more the better. If your guitar player is taking a solo, step away from the mic and dance a little. It doesn't take much and nobody will make fun of you. If your act has a horn section, ask them to all point their horns in the same direction and move them side to side in unison. Just a little choreography will go a long way. Lead vocalists who look at the crowd and hop up and down in time with the music will commonly see the audience doing the same thing. You know you're on the right track if your audience is on the dance floor. It means they are having fun.
• Play well. Know your material inside-out and upside-down. You shouldn't be looking at your hands when you play out. There are already enough distractions at a live gig. Don't require yourself to focus everything just on getting through the song without messing up. That means lots of practice and rehearsal. Lots and lots. You should be able to play your whole set with your eyes closed. This frees up some of your attention to focus on the audience, pick up on signals from your bandmates, or make your solo even better. It's tough to smile at the hot chicks flashing you their boobs if you are staring at your fretboard. Eye contact goes a very long way and will make the show a more personal experience for every member of the audience you connect with. I know that some bands in recent years have become famous with guitar players that wear their axe slung low around knee level and then hunch over, almost double the whole time they are playing. Not only does that look amateurish (to this author, at least), but it's really bad for your back, too. Most professionals prefer watching someone like B.B. King play with his guitar up high on his chest, his face pointed skyward, eyes closed as he hits exactly the right chords bringing emotion out in the song. B.B. knows his instrument well enough that he almost never needs to look at it in order to play well. With enough practice you can, too. Oh, yeah, and just because you saw your favorite band/player do something on MTV, doesn't mean you should, too. Watch what the old guys do. If they can last for decades, playing hundreds of gigs every year, they must know what they are doing and how to do it in the least painful fashion.

Related articles and podcasts can be found online at RockOnColorado.com

Why people don't come to your show

At some point every musician will ask him/herself: "Why didn't anybody come to my show?"

Every situation is different but we will attempt to describe some of the most common reasons nobody shows up and what, if anything, you can do about it.

Sooner or later, no matter how big or successful you are, you will have show that bombs. If you're successful and this is an uncommon thing, then don't worry about it too much. You're probably doing fine and you can just chalk it up to bad luck. If it's happening commonly, then you need to figure out why and try to do something about it. It could be a blizzard or a hurricane that ruins your show. Don't worry too much about the weather related problems. There's nothing you can do about them, so cowboy up and move on. Sometimes you may never figure out why people didn't show up, but if you can at least eliminate some common reasons, you may be able to avoid having a poor turnouts at all your gigs. Be aware, when booking, of things like holidays and the seasonal ups and downs of your particular market(s) and you can avoid some of those lousy shows before they ever happen. Check out our podcast/article called "Never Release Your New Album in December" for more details on seasonal and holiday bookings to avoid.

One common reason that people may not come to your show is simply competition. Maybe there's a huge national act in town that appeals to your audience and they're gonna go to that show instead of yours. This happens a lot and there's not too much you can do about it, except try to schedule your shows around the bigger ones. If you can manage that, then maybe you should also attend those competing shows and use it as an opportunity to hand out flyers and promote your act. After all, these are the same people that like your band. An ideal situation would be to get your band booked to open for that bigger act.

Another common reason people aren't coming to your show: They don't know about it. Have you sent out emails to your fans? Is it posted on your website? Your Myspace? Your facebook? It should be. If you don't have any of those, you need to make them and build up your fans/friends pronto. Did you make sure your gig shows up on any/all local calendar sites, news and arts weekly papers/magazines? Don't rely on the venue or promoter to advertise your shows. They should and usually do, but there's always more that you can do. The bottom line: If your fans don't know about your gig, they aren't gonna come. We've seen great bands playing wonderful music to empty rooms simply because nobody in the band could be bothered to promote the show. If you don't want to do it, then recruit your fans to help out or consider hiring someone who does it for a living.

Are you playing the same market too much? If you're playing in the same city every Friday and Saturday night, there are very few people who will be able to come to every show, much less want to. If your shows are spaced out enough, not more than once every six weeks or so, then it becomes an event when you play and your fans will try harder to make it to the show. If you need to play every weekend to make a living, then play different markets. In almost every part of the country you can drive 20-30 miles and find yourself in a whole new market. Rotate through as many markets as you can, so that you always have gigs, but never overplay in any area.

The last and hardest hurdle to overcome may simply be your performance. To put it bluntly: You might suck. You should be able to determine if this is the problem by watching your fan base. If it grows, you're doing things right. If it starts off big, with all your friends and family coming to your first couple shows and then drops off quickly, then you have a problem. What can you do? Practice more. Make sure all your band mates are playing as good as they can. If they can't cut it then maybe lessons are in order. Anyone can improve their performance musically and stage presence -wise. Maybe it's time to replace someone, try some different material or even quit. We hate to see anyone give up, but certainly, playing music professionally just isn't meant to be for some people. Sometimes, just changing the material can transform an act. We've seen new bands hit the road hard for a year and come back with a whole new confidence and understanding of how to capture and hold an audience. We've seen some bands, filled with highly talented players, insist on playing only their originals and no covers. Unfortunately, some great players aren't very good at songwriting and so the act never quite catches on and builds a following. Just throwing in a couple compatible covers here and there can excite a crowd and get people interested in your original music. People don't usually dance to music they've never heard before. In one case we know about a band that is very successful as a retro-1980s cover band and then under another name (and less cheesy costumes) plays all originals. They way they get the best of both worlds is to book both acts to play consecutively on the same night. A great example of this is Hank Williams III. He plays a set of old covers his grandfather made famous, then after a short break he comes back on stage with the same band plays a set of in your face punk. The set of covers provides income and brings in big crowds who then get exposed to his original stuff. To ease the pain, we've heard that some bands who must play covers in order to pay the bills will not waste time learning any cover songs that take them longer than 10 minutes to learn.

We hope this will help you understand and remedy some of the most common reasons people don't come to your show.

More detail on some of the above topics and related articles and podcasts can be found online at RockOnColorado.com

Don't Insult The Sound Guy

This is a thing that shouldn't even need mentioning, yet we've seen it violated over and and over again.
Don't insult the sound engineer. He has the power to make your band sound great or terrible depending on his attitude and your interaction with him.

Many new bands or those with limited gigging experience may not have run into the kind of disaster that can happen when you don't get along with the sound guy. There is a reason why the most successful touring acts bring their own sound engineer with them. You never really know what you're going to get. Sound guys (and sometimes gals) run the gamut from terrifically helpful to prima-donald assholes. If you're touring around at the bar or club level you're going be at the mercy of whoever happens to be working the sound board that night. Many of these guys have college degrees in sound engineering, many more used to be musicians themselves and they all have different personalities. If you're lucky, you'll get a pro who takes pride in his work. If you're not lucky you may get an overworked, deaf hack with a wicked hangover from the night before, or worse, he may be killing that hangover by getting drunk early. Either way, you want to follow a few simple rules.

1. Always be nice to the sound engineer (even if he's an ass to you). Treat him like a highly skilled professional (even if he doesn't act like one). Do not treat him like a DJ who's never run sound before and is in way over his head (even if he is).
2. Keep in mind that every room is different and the sound guy probably knows better what sounds right in his room than you do. No, it won't sound the same as it does in your rehearsal space, it's not supposed to. It's supposed to sound better than that for the audience, who are listening through different speakers than you are.
3. Do what the sound guy tells you to do. He's trying really hard to make you sound great, but if your volumes are wrong on the stage, there's only so much he can do. If he asks you to turn your amp down, do it! Then, if you can't hear your instrument, ask for him to turn it up in your monitor. This goes double during sound check (If you're lucky enough to get one)
4. Never ever ask the crowd "How does it sound?" The Sound guy will likely take that as an insult. The same is true for going out on the dance floor or seating area to listen. You are responsible for what comes out of your instrument, let the sound guy worry about the rest of the room. Never tell him that it doesn't sound right in the room, unless it's a very serious problem. Over sensitive sound guys will take this as an insult. Chances are, the audience will let him know if it's really bad and obviously his fault.
5. Start and Stop on time. Often times it falls to the sound guy to tell you how much time you have left to play. When he tells you there's time for one more, he means one more song of about the same length as the other songs in your set, not one more 30 minute jam after your set of 5 minute songs. If you are an opening act and you play too long or start late and insist on doing your full set, you may be pissing off not only the sound guy (who now has less time to get the next act up) you may be pissing off the headliner, which now has to cut their set short. If you are the headliner, there may be local rules or laws that require the band to be done or the bar to be closed before a certain time. We know you're having fun and the fans are screaming for more, but don't play over without getting some kind of permission or an OK from the sound guy or someone, else in charge. The Pros plan their set lengths to include time for encores, so should you.
6. Get your gear off/on the stage quickly. This is most important if there are bands scheduled to play after you. There's only so much time allowed to get you off stage and the next band on. If you're really quick about it, they may actually ask you to play a little longer to fill in the time. That's the best way to be. If you're the headliner, there's still a sound guy who has to pack up his equipment and clean off the stage before he can go home. Be nice to him. Don't leave a bunch of empty beer bottles, cigarette butts and snack wrappers all over the place. If you bring it on the stage, take it off with you. That includes the set lists you taped to the monitor or mic stand, too.
7. Don't be afraid to ask for more of something in the monitor. This is especially true during sound check (if you get one), but also OK to ask for between songs. You need to hear yourself and your bandmates in order to make sure you're playing or singing right. Don't be timid and then complain that you couldn't hear yourself afterwards. That doesn't help the band. If he can't give you more without creating feedback, then you may need to turn your rig down or maybe just point it in another direction. That may be something you'll have to get the hang of by playing a lot of gigs, but if you ask the sound guy for suggestions he's likely to offer some. Most sound guys take pride in their work and want you to sound as good as possible.
   
   

If you have a good rapport with the sound guy, chances are he may go out of his way make sure you are happy with the sound and that you sound great out in the room. We've even seen bands tip the sound guy, before the set! That's not usually needed, but if you really want to keep him happy an extra $20 isn't gonna hurt. You might even get him to burn you a copy of the show right afterwards. Many sound guys record everything they mix. This could be a great way to collect material for a live CD or just a good way to listen to the band performing and get an idea of what does and doesn't work or who messed up what parts of the songs during that performance. It can be a great tool for improving the band overall.


Remember that every stage is different. No two sound systems will sound exactly alike. No two sound guys will mix you exactly the same and most importantly: It will always sound different than it does in your rehearsal space. Do what the sound engineer asks and you'll get the best sound possible for your show. Don't co-operate and you run the risk of pissing him off and then you certainly won't get his best effort.


An insulted sound guy may decide to crank the proverbial "Suck Button" up to 11 or just walk away from the board and drink a few shots while you're doing that amazing solo.


If you are unlucky and get a bad mix, just play as good as you can and hope for the best. That's what the seasoned pros do. So should you.

Here's a few real life stories:


A band played a medium sized club with a pro sound guy. This band had a great buzz going, even being mentioned as one of the best bands in the region. On stage their guitar amps were turned up too loud and despite the sound guy's repeated requests that they turn it down, they didn't. (When you just turn around and pretend to turn it down they can tell.) The sound guy had no choice but to take those instruments out of the mix and the result was an earsplitting mess of sound. Afterwards, the sound guy called up his buddy who worked sound at a club this band played regularly. He learned that they always have it up too loud and never turn it down enough. These guys now have a reputation among sound guys all over town and some clubs won't book them again just because they are too darn loud.


This author used to work at a blues club that featured nationally touring blues acts on a regular basis. Many of these guys had been touring for literally decades and had played everything from crappy juke joints with minimal sound systems to major festivals. The one thing they all did was keep their stage volume down and cooperate fully with the sound guy. These guys were a dream to work with because they had learned long ago to trust the sound guy. This was one reason they always sounded great on stage.


A local band, playing their first ever live show, could not understand why they couldn't hear themselves on stage. They refused to turn down their amps and when they asked for more in their monitors it created feedback. They did not understand that the sound guy was unable to accommodate them and got into a shouting match with him after their set. This band was not asked back to perform again. The club manager and/or booking people will usually side with their sound guy in these situations, especially if things get physical.

Never Date a Musician

Over the years we've seen countless relationships come and go and we've noticed a trend. It's always a bad idea to date a working musician.

Now, we are generalizing here, there are many musicians who have perfectly good, successful long-term relationships, it's just that these are the exception to the rule.

To women, male rockers have the same mystique and allure that strippers have for men. They're on stage, everyone wants one and almost nobody gets one. Indeed the successful stage musician (of either sex) can take his pick of attractive young women in the crowd. This is part of the problem as we'll explain later.

Relationships with musicians have all the same problems as other people have but some of them are more exaggerated. Here are the main ones:

1. Money: Many musicians are also starving artists. This is more true for younger rockers than older guys because, by the age of 30 most have either reached some level of success, at least enough to make a living, or have given up and taken a day job. Some, however, find ways to eek out a living and never really grow up. Others go from one woman (who is willing to pay their bills) to the next, living homeless in the interim. Many have never held down a day job for long and never want to.
2. Drugs: This has always been a part of rock and roll and probably always will be, but it's always a problem. It's a rare band that is filled with talented guys who keep themselves clean. Drugs are always readily available and are offered up free to band members on a regular basis. If you think your guy is gonna stay clean and sober for a long time, you're probably being naive.
3. Alcohol: Just like drugs, only not quite as illegal, alcohol is always a danger. Drugs and alcohol are obviously problematical in any relationship, but suppose you had to work in a bar every night. Do you think you could keep sober? Most people can't.
4. Infidelity: It doesn't matter how ugly or talentless a musician is, if you put a guitar in his hand and put him on stage, some hot girl will think he's the hottest thing since Sting. This is more of a problem when the band is on the road. We know bands who have a rule: "What happens on the road stays on the road." Kinda like Las Vegas, but it applies even with short trips to Nebraska. This one is the biggest relationship killer, especially if the band tours a lot. Even if he's not cheating, how can either partner know that the other is being faithful? And if the jealous spouse decides she'll just come to every gig to make sure he doesn't stray, that usually causes problems with the rest of the band. It can throw off the delicate dynamic the band has worked so hard to achieve amongst themselves. It's a sure fire recipe for drama. An insecure spouse wont be able to handle the idea that part of her husband's job as a rock-star is to flirt with beautiful young women, in the hopes they will buy CDs and come to more shows. It's part of the gig and even if he's being perfectly faithful, it's hard for many women to watch .

And god forbid if the significant other should decide to embrace the band by becoming their manager. That will almost always spell disaster. A lot of smart, experienced bands have a rule: No wives or girlfriends allowed at gigs.

Many musicians consider themselves artists and as such, they are elitist, thinking they are better or smarter than most people. This commonly leads them to believe they can live differently than most people and it's OK because they are "artists." These guys (and gals) think it's OK to get high a lot and that society owes them something, so they shouldn't have to work normal jobs. There's a high incidence of drug and alcohol abuse, poverty and general bad decision making. How many famous musicians have died of drug over doses? I can tell you that a hundred times more not-famous musicians have met similar fates. And if their "art" is perceived as being rejected, they are also susceptible to suicide.

If you think you can handle all that, and heaps of stunning women throwing themselves at your boyfriend, then by all means go for it. Maybe you'll get lucky and find one that has his shit together, but probably not.

Never Date a Musician!! I can't say it often enough, and no, I honestly don't expect you to believe me, until it's too late. Just please try not to repeat your mistake over and over again.

This is where I usually provide a real life example or two, but rather than tell a specific tale I'll just tell you how it usually goes:

A male musician meets and marries a perfectly good woman at some point before he becomes serious about working in music. Maybe they meet in College or even High School. It's all good until he joins that special band where everything is working out well and the band decides to tour farther away than they can drive in a day trip. The woman he left behind feels resentful that she can't go with him. After all, she has a job and has to support him. Sooner or later on the road the musician is approached by a very hot girl who wants to sleep with him, he cheats on the wife at home and... Well, you can guess how it goes from there.

Need we say more?
This blog and many more are available as Podcasts at: www.rockoncolorado.com/podcasts

Get On/Off the Stage Already!

If you are a local or regional touring act there are basically two kinds of gigs you will play: There's the play all night in the bar/restaurant kind of gig and there's the multi-band showcase, festival or opening act kind of gig. This article is about those gigs where you're at least opening for another act or perhaps playing the same show with three or more other bands.

The venue we work at and the majority of music venues that book original music in this region bring an average of four bands a night to play on any given night. Each band gets 30-45 minutes to play and there's 20-30 minutes between bands. Shows like this make it really important to be able to get on and off stage quickly and efficiently. The reasons behind this are important to keep in mind. If you take too long to get your gear on stage and ready to perform, then your band will likely get cut short. If you play over your time slot or take too long to get off stage, the band playing after you may get cut short. If you're an opening act for a national or bigger local act and they get cut short, their gonna remember that and likely take an opportunity to screw you over down the road. Now sure, your band might be better than any others out there (at least from your perspective) but causing a big show to go off schedule causes headaches for everyone from the guy taking money at the door, to the booking agent, the sound guy and even the bartenders. Yes, the crowd will complain if the band they paid big money to see doesn't get on stage at the expected time. Your band might be awesome but if the other bands all complain to the booking guy and make his life harder and he also hears bad reports from the sound engineer and the bartenders, then how eager is he gonna be to book you back? Most local music communities are fairly small and people talk to each other. If your band gets a reputation for hogging the stage at the expense of others, you're a lot less likely to be invited to play the cool gigs. Don't underestimate the politics of the music scene. They can be as brutal and vicious as a Jr. High school playground.

You were hired to start and end your set at specific times, so be professional and do your best to keep to the schedule.

Ok, now that you're clear on why you need to get on and off the stage quickly, here are some tips to help you do it:

If you're not the opening act, get as much of your gear unpacked and set up off to the side of the stage. Drummers should have all their hardware unpacked and set up, so they can just lift things up onto the stage and place them in position as quickly as possible. That means your cymbals should be out of the bag and on the stands. Guitar players should be ready to haul their amps onto the stage, position them and plug in. That means you should take your time and tune your guitar(s) before getting on stage, so that a last minute tuning check will go much quicker. Vocalists should be warmed up, in costume and ready help carry gear.

If you're not the headliner or closing act, get your gear off the stage first, then break it down. Drummers should haul the pieces off stage and then break them down and pack them up. We know you don't want to risk cracking that new Zildjian cymbal, so be careful and make sure anyone else who touches your gear does the same, but don't dismantle your cymbals and pack them up while still on stage.

Don't run off and have a smoke, piss and flirt before you start moving your gear. You're making life harder for everyone else playing after you, and half the staff as well.

Recruit a couple trustworthy (not too drunk) fans to help. Give them a free CD or put them on the guest list as a reward for helping the band.

Get someone else to sell your merch. There's plenty of time for signing autographs and schmoozing after you get your gear off the stage.



Here's a couple real-life stories:

A local jazz act with full horn section was booked to play a large street fair. The schedule was exceptionally tight with only 10 minutes between acts. That was never enough time for this jazz band who had a well known reputation for routinely taking 30-45 minutes to get onstage. This particular gig went even further south when the sound guy had trouble, causing extra delay. But the band leader didn't help by demanding a full sound check rather than the planned line check and mix on the fly approach. (A line check only checks to make sure everything is hooked up and signals are get through to the soundboard.) By the time the band actually got to play, there was only 10 minutes left in the set. The stage manager insisted on keeping to the schedule and cut the band off after only 2 songs. The huge crowd got ugly and many complaints were registered. Thankfully, there was no violence, but it did cause a very sizable commotion. The Fair organizers ended up so embarrassed by the incident that they booked the same band back the following year on a bigger stage with a longer set time, but made it crystal clear that the band had to get on stage and playing much quicker. They actually did.

A local R&B act with a little too much attitude routinely took 45-60 minutes (sometimes even more!) to get on stage. They would take their sweet time getting on stage, then take too long to finalize the sound check and then go to the green room to change into their costumes. One time, after a delay of more than an hour, the owner of the club had to go in to the green room to get them on stage. Then, of course, they insisted on playing their full set, instead of cutting it short in order to let the headliner get on stage. As a result, the sound engineers and booking guys don't want to work with them anymore and the headliner specifically requested that this band never opens for them again. Since the best sound guys don't want to work with them, either, they call in some second string, less experienced guys to work and the sound is never quite as good.

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